Muse of a Mystic Child

Summery  (Mystical and Physical) 

When I turned 18 - I was diagnosed with a handicap that followed me into my adult life.   My Dad had a key parable for the handicap.  He told me I was like a young pup who had grown up with a lamp shade on his head.   I couldn't turn and look behind me.  I couldn't remember my past.   He said the problem devolped in childhood due to a physical medical condtion.  He felt childhood was a stepping down process in preparation for heading into the 'trenches' of life.   Like climbing down a stairwell from heaven into the real world of adult reality.  When I turned 18, I had wiped out my entire childhood eposidic memory files.   I had no memory of my familly, friends, or aquantiances.  Whole eposides of my life were buried in a subconscious file within.   I was constantly prone to 'forgetfullness' where I would erase my tracks compeletly.  

In the beginning stages - I had my Grandparents looking over my shoulder and quiding me on my path forward. 

When I was 19 years old, I had completely forgotten half of my 18th year.   For the first 5 years of my adult life, my grandparents acted as my guides and were constantly looking over my shoulder and telling me the path that was behind me.  This was something they were used to doing in my past because of their involvement in the medical crisis of my childhood.   They told me that in childhood - my physical pain had been so severe that the only way to 'rise above' it - was to forget it existed inside of me.   The physical pain turned into emotional trauma and I had to learn to rise about that aspect of it as well. 

My Grandparents felt there was a 'mystical hand of the divine' at play in my life.   My Grandfather felt I was having 'daydream' visions with "God."  (God is the word my Grandfather used.  I couldn't relate to that word in my own personal and private life.  In my personal belief system - the name of "Creation in Spirit" was silent and unspoken.)  My family members felt  just as they were trying to guide me forward - I had a "Divine Light" leading me on my way as well.  I had to follow my own "Light" of understanding or, follow my own heart where and how it led me. 

My Grandfather quoted me a scripture he felt applied to my life as well as to my forgetfulness. 

Job 33:15-17, "In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed; Then he openeth the ears of men, and sealeth their instruction, That he may withdraw man from his purpose, and hide pride from man."

My Grandfather kept telling me that I was having 'walking daydreams' with the divine which would withdraw and hide itself in my subconsious after such encounters.  For that reason, I was never intimidated by my 'forgetful nature.'  I felt it was something to do with "God's buisness' and didn't pertain to my own human mind of understanding.  I felt there was the 'dark mind' of the world which suffered through the blindness of day to day and there was the 'light mind' of the spirit which had sight, sound and understanding of the 'all in all is all' effect of life.  

When I first encounterd the 'amnesia' in my life my Grandmother told me,

"Grandson.  God is working a mystery though your life.  Don't try to get other people to explain it to you because they can't.  You wait for God to do the explaining."

On my 36th birthday - God started the process of removing the 'lamp shade' on my head and for the first time in life - I had the ability to look back on my past.  It was an amazing process for someone who had never been able to recall the past with depth and meaning.